Tips from a self-employed brand photographer with depression
*Content warning: This blog discusses depression and mental health crises.
It’s been a while since I showed my face online due to an illness-induced mental health relapse, but I'm still alive (just) and I’m easing myself back into regularly posting and catching up on everything I’ve missed.
I've received an immense amount of support from business buddies, clients, and loved ones and want to say up front that I would not have improved without that support. Thank you.
To commemorate my glorious return to the internet, work, and the land of the living, I've put together an update/reflection hybrid of what I’ve been up to this summer in order to recover, just in case this helps anyone else in my network who may also be struggling.
So, here are my 7 things that helped me recover from a mental health relapse, get me back to a functioning member of the human race.
1. I took the time off that I needed.
In the 10 years I've worked, I've never had to take more than the odd sick day for my mental health. Work has always been a much needed distraction and creative outlet. I've had to take over a month off work to get myself back on my feet because I was unable to function. That scared me a lot.
I recognise that I'm so lucky to be able to stop working whilst I recovered. My clients and partner were incredibly supportive. Any time that you can carve out for prioritising yourself and your recovery, no matter how small, is crucial to bouncing back.
2. I focused on my fitness.
As someone who has a strained relationship with their body, regular exercise and healthy eating has always been a loaded subject for me that has opened the door to disorder in the past.
I decided that I wanted to have a more positive relationship with myself, food, and exercise. I've been a regular gym goer for nearing a year now. Although it's been tough at times not to slip into harmful behaviours, my mindset has greatly improved as I focused more on strength and overall fitness instead of weight and calories burned. My mood also improved and I started to feel proud of what my body was achieving.
During this relapse however, exercise did not improve my mental health as it usually would. My mood was still atrocious, even though I am the most active I have ever been. I started thinking "If it's not helping, then what is the point in making the effort to attend the gym when all I want to do is stay in bed".
Exercise wasn't improving my mental health during this time, but it did however stop me from deteriorating as fast as I could have done if I wasn't looking after my body. Keeping up the gym sessions helped give me routine when it felt like my life was falling down around me, and gave me a sense of normalcy in the chaos.
3. I asked for help.
I am quite open about the fact that I regularly see a therapist, and about how therapy changed my life. Even so, when things started to get bad again, I kept it to myself. I didn't want to let anyone down, or be judged for not coping as well as I should be.
My illness was really starting to effect me mentally, and I only asked for help once it got to the point of no return. Had I spoken up sooner, the people around me would have been more prepared to support me when I needed it most.
So I spoke to my therapist and she told me to spoke to my GP. He told me that he was going to prescribed me anti-depressants and beta-blockers, meds that I have not needed for the past 8 years.
It felt like a step backwards because I was so used to being self-sufficient, but I needed the support more than I needed a brave face. My mind is much quieter now, the panic is under control, and I know that this is only temporary.
4. I accepted the help I was given.
Asking for help is difficult, acknowledging that you’re worth the help that is given to you is another thing entirely.
We all want to believe that we can do things on our own, but accepting the help of others doesn't mean we aren't capable. Or that we are a burden.
My partner has been my rock throughout this entire experience, and although I feel guilty because he had to look after me in that way we came out of it stronger. He understands my needs more. I know I can rely on him. He knows when he needs to bring in further support. I understand that I need to involve him sooner instead of later.
Don’t suffer in silence.
5. I allowed myself to have fun - GUILT-FREE
Depression seeks to strip us of everything that makes us feel happy.
We need healthy food to thrive - Depression takes away our appetite.
We get endorphins from exercise - Depression takes away our energy.
We need a support network to cope - Depression isolates us from others.
It also makes us lose interest in things we love, or makes us feel guilty and unworthy of those wonderful things. It's an arsehole to be honest!
In August, I went to see Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour... twice. I'd had tickets since July last year, and I thought my health issues would stop me from going. I didn't know if I would have the energy to dance and socialise for 3 hours (I was falling asleep during the day because of fatigue) or if I would have panic attacks whilst there.
I'm so glad I went anyway. The support I received from the people I went with and the experience actually helped me improve! I walked away feeling more like my old self than I had in weeks.
6. I recognised my progress.
My relapse stopped me from celebrating my business birthday the way I wanted to.
I am proud to say that I started my business in August last year, I’m still going, and the lights are still on!
Even though I've had to take an extended break and was SO close to throwing in the towel, I made it through the first (and hardest) year of being a business owner.
I have taken the time to acknowledge what I've achieved, and will be looking at how my business can support my mental health more in the future.
7. I learned from my relapse.
This relapse was unlike anything I've experienced before. It was induced by an illness that I am awaiting diagnosis for, and therefore behaved differently. All the usual things I would do to improve my state of mind were not working.
The unpredictability of the symptoms and their severity meant that the years of work I've put into knowing myself was now useless. All I could do was ride it out... and observe what was happening to me.
Now that I’m coming out the other side I am able to objectively reflect. I know that the chances of this happening again are high until I get a diagnosis and treatment for my other illness.
To counteract this, I've drawn up a new care plan for those around me to use when things get bad again, with the new information I’ve learned this time around. This will be invaluable next time and keep me safe.
Although I'm not back to my 100% capacity just yet, I feel motivated and inspired again. I have life back in my eyes and intend to make the most of it - one step at a time.
Thank you for joining me!
If you would like to find out more about my mental health advocacy and creative work, then contact me here or email me at hello@emmaanniecolton.com
Pin this blog for later:
*Disclaimers:
I’m not a mental health professional - Please reach out to someone qualified if you are in need of support. I am always here to listen, but I cannot give you the help you need.
What works for me might not work for you - We all have different support needs and challenges that get in the way us accessing certain types of support. Focus on what is achievable and helpful to you.
If you’re struggling, you DO deserve to be supported - Our brains can be buggers sometimes and trick us into believing we are not worthy of help. I promise you, you are.
Comentarios